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Before proceeding further I think it is important to first define the above title. According to the oh so wise Wikipedia, Auld Lang Syne, means 'days gone by' or simply 'the past.' So in the spirit of New Years this post will deal mostly with moving forward, making resolutions and trying to make 2008 the best year yet.
As I was contemplating the New Year I decided that the reason people get so excited about it, is because it is a chance to start over with a clean slate...and everyone loves a clean slate. Even if it only lasts for a month, the resolutions you make on January 1st, make you feel like you can overcome all your past bad behavior, mend your ailing relationships and become the best you that you can be. For at least a week you have visions of yourself becoming a thinner, nicer, all around better version of your current self. Not to be too cynical but the majority of resolutions end in failure...if that wasn't the case I don't think the majority of Americans would be overweight. So the questions becomes, why do we start off with such good intentions and then regress to our previous bad behavior? Why does all our will power go out the window? I bet there is a huge boost in cigarette sales and lapses in gym membership around Groundhogs day.
Well my 2008 Resolution is not to lose 10 pounds, or to stop eating carbs, or to workout 5 days a week, or to stop smoking, or any of the usual midnight declarations. Instead my New Year's Resolution is to live each day with purpose and gratefulness. I'm sure there will still be days when I hate my life, or more likely the snow that has encased my car in ice , but I will try to wake-up every morning and be thankful for something. My health, my family, my friends.
I once read a statistic that after a period of time the human brain tends to remember happy memories more than tragic ones. Maybe that's why people are always referring to the "good old days" or why our parents say things like, "when I was younger people were more respectful" or why we even have the Republican party. Because in all honestly we do remember things with rose colored glasses. We remember our exes as evil and cruel but they were also the most attractive and we can't imagining loving anyone the way we loved them. That's why there is the "one that got away." Often times we remember things not as they actually were but as we wished they had been. Most likely your first love had pimples, braces and a bad haircut but we remember them as the most perfect creatures to walk the earth. The "one that got way" was probably semi- retarded and pretty much an asshole but we constantly think that they might be our soulmate. Why? Because the brain is a tricky thing. If you can shut the doors to the past and live in the moment you are a better person than me. It is easy to look back with yearning on days gone by. When you are single it is very easy to remember old relationships and think, "he was so sweet, I remember this one time when he brought me breakfast in bed" but you forget about all the times he hit the snooze button and left you eating breakfast alone.
Maybe forgetfulness is some kind of built in defense mechanism because if we had to remember all our past sins and all those done to us we would simply over load and shutdown. No one wants to think about time wasted on the wrong person or the wrong job. Thats why we tell ourselves they were "learning experiences" hell I told myself that in my last entry, and I hope its true. I hope we are on a road that is leading to some high level, some end point, a nirvana. But what if we aren't? What if there is no meaning to live, that we simply assign meaning after the fact? Well I'm not that cynical...at least not yet. I still believe in purpose, and learning experiences. The day I stop believing in those things is the day I stop growing and the day I stop being challenged. So this year I choose to remember the past, but not as I wished it to have been, but as it really was, and I chose to live my current life not how I have been... but how I would like it to be. I hope that makes some kind of sense. Happy New Year everyone and I hope this year is so terrific that you don't have to remember it anyway than how it actually was.
Side Note... If you haven't seen this movie, you really should. One of the best New Year's Eve scenes ever!
So like most of these postings, today's is inspired by an actual conversation. The question is...for whose benefit do you list your relationship status on social networking pages? I mean are you listing it for your SO? Are you listing it for yourself, "hey look at me Im not a single loser"? Are you listing it to help you win the game with your ex of who will die alone and ugly first? Are you listing it because you are such an attractive person that you don't want people to believe they have a chance with you when really you are "in a relationship"?
Well during today's conversation my friend was telling me that this guy had been flirting with her, asking her plans for the New Year's Eve thing etc. when out of nowhere he busts out with the "me and my girlfriend" line. The interesting part is what she said next, " I mean was I totally blind, had his facebook said he was 'in a relationship' all this time and I just never noticed?" Well she went back and looked and alas he was one of the worst facebookers out there, the no status person. The no status facebooker is rare because most people either want the world to know you are "in a relationship" or that you are "single" and looking.
As a person who also refuses to post their status I guess I would have to say my main reason for abstaining is that I don't want to be defined by a little box I check. I also don't put my religion or party affiliation. I mean there is a huge difference between a "single, protestant, Republican" and a "in a relationship, Jewish, Democrat." There are way too many preconceived notions out there without my facebook adding any fuel to the fire. However, the main reason I don't do it...the little broken heart that goes up when your relationship is terminated. It is just too sad... and unless you end up married to the person at some point the heart will break :) Also I don't really want everyone to know the ups and downs of my romantic encounters. Besides all the important people know the status of my dance card...and that's all that matters.
Well after a lot of begging I am back at it. The first post in months. I find myself a month away from my 25th birthday, laying on the floor of my childhood room, listening to country music and drinking a glass of wine. I got to thinking about what I was doing ten years ago. Lets see... ten years ago I was 14 going on 4o, I thought true love was a certainty and that I would rule the world by 30. Ten years later I know absolutely nothing and about the only thing that hasn't changed is my height.
Yesterday I went out for drinks with the love of my sixth grade year and the love of well basically most of high school. The funny thing was...both of them completely repulsed me. In fact I couldn't find one thing about either one of them that was the least bit attractive. Sitting with them just made me feel uncomfortable. It was like I could see the ghosts of my former self lingering in the bar. Me as an awkward 6th grader with bad hair, bad skin and I hate to admit it but really bad clothes. Then there was me at 15,16,17 and even 18 letting the same asshole make me feel like shit. Visions of myself crying on my bedroom floor. Flash forward a few years to my first week of college and I am crying over the same guy. Sitting under a willow tree along the bike path letting the tears stream down my face and wondering how the hell I ended up there... how I would ever find someone else to love. The funny thing is 7 years later...that seems like a distant dream. I did manage to fall in love again, life did go on, in fact life turned out so much better than I could have ever imagined it. I know I'm off on a tangent...there is a point somewhere.
Basically what I am getting at is that at the time things seem so important but in retrospect they mean nothing. Well not nothing. Those tears made me who I am today. Yeah I sat at home the night of my senior prom, yeah I cried too long over someone who was never good enough for me, yeah I was awkward and kind of bad looking. But things turned out okay, well better than okay. I can finally say for the first time in a very long time that I am really happy... I feel good about my life, about my relationships, about my abilities.
I am ten years away from 14 and in certain ways I am still waiting for my life to begin, still waiting for Prince Charming, still waiting to become the person I have always felt I was meant to be. But really will I always be waiting? Living in the present takes too much effort. It is so much easier to look back or look forward. My New Year's Resolution...live in the moment, enjoy my life and appreciate all the amazing everyday events that make up life. In the immortal words of Ms. Carrie Bradshaw:
“Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.”
