A Modern Fairy Tale

I was reading the NY Times this morning with a steamy cup of coffee when I came upon this wonderful literary blog. A professor from the University of Arizona asked the question, when did male authors stop thanking their wives, in the acknowledgments, for tirelessly typing their manuscripts? I suddenly realized that if I had lived maybe 40 years ago how different my life would be. I mean sure we all joke about older relatives and ridiculous friends asking us when we are going to meet a nice boy and get married, but in all honestly most people don't think twice about a single girl. Especially if she is doing something with her life. I have approximately one married friend, and she is going back to school this fall for a masters. So even if you do choose marriage you can still be successful in the work place, you can make more than your husband, you can ask him to stay at home and raise the kids. Thank God it's 2007 and not 1945...because Lord knows what I would do in a apron at home with little Johnny and Jane. Maybe put a gun to my head, more likely put one to my husband's.

So along these same lines I was coming home from the grocery store and the Dave Matthews song 'Rapunzel' came on and I suddenly thought, what an interesting literary figure. I mean it is the half done story of female independence. Here is this girl trapped in a room. She frees herself through her own ingenuity and of course the help of a handsome price. But today there is no need for the price. We can let down our golden hair but we don't need a price to climb the stairs, we can do that ourselves. And you know what, to the women who came before us, we are living the modern day fairy tale...and its the story of independence, equality and fulfillment. Cheers

Summer time and the livin's easy

Well maybe not easy but today was an absolutely magical day. I went to this fantastic park about two blocks from my house and laid in the sun and read for hours. There was a light breeze and the sounds of kids playing in the background, I also happened to be wearing my favorite paisley skirt which maybe it an even better day. I drank a bottle of expensive water, finished the 500 page book I have been assigned for the first day of class (no I'm not joking) and got a tan all at the same time. Women are awesome multitaskers. After that I went home to work on briefing some cases...got sick of that and decided to take out some energy at the gym. I ran three miles in thirty minutes which is a personal best for me....come on we know I'm not a great runner. Now I am relaxing, thinking about taking a shower and waiting to meet my third and final roommate. The only think that could make this better would be a pina colada served to me poolside by a scantily clad chip n dale type.

So I know I'm not Carrie but.....

"You three are the loves of her life, a guy is lucky to come in fourth." I happened to be flipping through the channels and this episode just happened to be on and you know what....it is so true. These day I woman doesn't need to be married, doesn't need children. You know what she needs: Her friends, her family, her health and her freaking mind!

Side note. Really funny conversation between myself and the new roomie:

Me: "So I was thinking of getting a bike, are you guys going wear helmets? I don't want to look like the 'special' law student.

Roomie: I have $90 grand riding on this thing (placing hands around her head) I don't care if I do look special.

Busy day for blogging

I guess I am making up for lost time. I will keep this quick. Does if makes you a bad person if you have had "relations" with the majority of the men on you google chat sidebar? I am having doubts about my purity.

Roommate Hall of Shame Part III

At the request of a very dear friend I have used her as my inspiration for this week's entry. But I am going to do things a bit differently. Instead of focusing on one roommate I am going to tell you the tale of a poor girl, we will call her Danny... Who has had more than her fair share of horrible roommates.

The Girl Who Never Got Lucky...At Least Not in the Roommate Department:

Danny has very few faults... Her main shortcomings are that she is too damn nice and too forgiving. Yes I am serious these are her worst qualities. She has had at least a handful if not more of terrible roommates.

Did God give them to her because he knew she could handle it? Was she a terrible person in a past life (she would have had to have been Hannibal Lector to deserve these people)? Whatever the reason Danny was cursed with the strangest of roommates. Her freshman year there was the girl who pleasured herself, her boyfriend and even a few inanimate objects right in front of whoever happened to be in the room. She also stole...a lot. Then there was the roomie with an eating disorder. I know what you are all thinking, "everyone has had a roommate with food issues." Well this girl took the cake in that department (no pun intended). She would not only toss her cookies, she would keep the contents in a huge bin under she sink. No I'm not joking. Then there was the gay roommate who made Jack from Will and Grace look straight...and let me tell you this guy was a trip. He was more drama than a high school cheer leading squad. There was another roommate who would go out of town and expect Danny to care for her cat and clean out its litter box. During this same living arrangement there was a male roommate who was so dirty you could almost smell the stench through the walls. Next came the girl who was such an alcoholic she would go out to the bars and drink mass quantities after being diagnosed with pneumonia. There are so many more but if you want to hear them you will have to hope that Danny starts a blog of her own. I hope it comes as no surprise that Danny now lives alone, in a studio.

It's a crying shame

It's a funny thing. I used to cry all the time...well maybe not all the time but at least during appropriate moments. Funerals, break-ups, arguments etc. This is not a lie when I say that in the last few years the only times I have cried have been when looking back on past events. Today was the first time in a long time that I actually cried for something in the present. It was one of those cathartic cries where you actually sit down in the shower and sob. You let the water pour all over you and you might actually throw something...say a few swear words. You get angry.

What brought on this sudden bout of self expression? Well I was talking to an old friend today. An old friend who broke my heart what suddenly seems like a very long time ago. He mentioned that he was recently suffering from of all things a broken heart and I was suddenly very upset. I think pissed is a better word. No I wasn't so much pissed at him as I was at myself. I was jealous. Not of what you might think though. No I wasn't jealous that he loved someone new... I was jealous that he could feel anything at all.

I haven't been able to feel for so long that I can't even remember what love looks like or tastes like. It's like when you haven't gotten laid for a really long time....you know it still exists, you can still remember it, but it almost seems ridiculous in your present state.... you start thinking, "I'm supposed to do what with what?" Well maybe not that bad but you get the point.

I have been so good for so long about not letting anything bother me. Not letting anyone in because honestly, and I know I have gone completely over the line into cliché-ville, I just don't ever want to feel that way again. I never want to be broken. I never want to be dependent, I never want to love anyone ever again. Is that true? I think it is, at least for right now. And that's why I was crying today. Because you can't have your cake and eat it too. You can't be strong and detached and completely in love. It isn't fair to the other person. When you really love someone you give them your heart. You place it in their hands and you say a silent prayer, you pray that they won't hurt you. Because when you really love someone there is always the chance that they could take it away and you will be left holding a bag with nothing in it but the pieces of your heart.

So until I am ready to be broken, ready to be vulnerable I am putting love away...way in the back of my closet where the ugly shoes go. I didn't mean that last part, I mean who are we kidding I don't have any ugly shoes.

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." Helen Keller

lonely....or just bored?

Well I am all moved in....my bed is made, my desk has been assembled and thankfully I have Internet and TV. The rents left today and it is my first day of independent living in almost exactly a year. I honestly feel like I was doing time last year and now I need to be rehabilitated.

I am kind of sad today. I made my bed, went for a long jog, made dinner and drank a glass of wine, all alone. I guess I just wish I had a friend or even an animal to keep me company. It's true that one of my housemates has moved in but it's not really the same as a great friend and a glass of wine. Drinking alone is kind of depressing, does that make me an alcoholic? No just kind of sad.