The Foreign Sexaholic
For this week's tale of woe I draw inspiration from a good friend's ordeal.
Picture it, college town USA, the year is 2005. A very laid back, chill, vegetarian chick goes looking for a new roommate after the winter break. Her previous roommate has graduated and she begins the arduous journey of finding a replacement. Eventually she decides to allow a male to share her room. She thinks he will be less drama than the alternative...an overly processed, overly blonde bimbo. There seems to be a bonus, he is foriegn and hardly speaks any English (limited talking = less chance of being annoying). As an added benefit he also has a girlfriend and claims he will be at her house constantly.
Things start out fine. He seems normal and his garbled English is endearing and makes her want to look after him and help him acclimate. He plays well with others and enjoys the bottle as much as everyone in the house.
The problem begins when his girlfriend enters the picture. We will call her Rat Face. Let me describe Rat Face. She was about 5 feet tall and 90 pounds. She had this strange hair that wasn't straight and wasn't curly...and it was constantly slathered in some kind of gel or mouse. Although she didn't say much her facial expressions spoke volumes. If dishes were left undone or something wasn't up to her standard she would begin yelling in her native tongue and then give dagger eyes to anyone who happened to be in her range. The passive aggressive bullshit was bad enough but it got even worse. Apparently in their homeland there is no protocol for letting your roommate know you are getting jiggy. So my poor friend would constantly be walking into her room only to be greeted with the image of the twosome consummating their love, over and over again.
The question is, why no sock on the door? Or if that isn't your style as least lock the door. Although this constant assault on the eyes would be enough to qualify this situation for the Hall of Shame what really puts it over the top in the following.
If my home girl happened to be in the room and the pair got the urge they would just start up with the funny business. I mean why?? What drives someone to this behavior? You are so desperate to get some from your long term significant other that you decide it's cool to just go to town while your roommate is literally three feet away?
Okay so I will be honest. I have been guilty of getting frisky while others are in the room but trust me, many ounces of alcohol had been consumed prior...by both myself, my partner and the unassuming witness. I know this still makes me a slightly bad person but at least when I am in my right mind I don't just strip down and get freaky...well at least not yet.
*Next week: Baby Voice...enough said*
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